Interview with Baka-Raptor

You were lucky com­ing here today! After I fin­ished the 3^rd fan art Baka-Raptor needs to give some­body an inter­view, he, well, gave us the inter­view. You can see the mas­ter­works here under the head­line Gar­g­ron. Now that it’s settled, let’s start!

The cur­tain rises. A well-lit room, Aizen and Gar­g­ron sit on one side of the desk, the other one is empty. Baka-Raptor comes in, Aizen and Gar­g­ron stand up, every­body exchanges greet­ings, then they sit down. The maid, Tsuki, serves some Dar­jeel­ing. It’s hot. Gar­g­ron dicides to begin.

Gar­g­ron: Who or what inspired you to open a blog?

His majesty, the hon­or­able Mad­dox.

Gar­g­ron: Why exactly “Baka-” rap­tor? Why not “Baka”-zilla or some­thing else?

I took the “rap­tor” from the Roborap­tor, the hot­test toy on the mar­ket back when I con­cep­tu­al­ized my site.

Why not Bakazilla? Because for some reason I haven’t seen any of the five mil­lion Godz­illa movies in existence.

Gar­g­ron: Oh, they weren’t bad at all! I remem­ber some cute but­ter­fly fight­ing some ugly dino– *cough* Sorry.

Gar­g­ron: Are you in any way sim­ilar to the Baka-Raptor Kan­zeon drew?

No.

The tea seems to be of right tem­per­at­ure now, we lose Gar­g­ron. Aizen takes the initiative.

Aizen: Do you aspire to become a comedic blog­ger or some­thing else?

I aspire to be an awe­some blog­ger. Com­edy is an import­ant part of that, but equally vital are man­li­ness, wis­dom, and non-pedophilia.

Aizen: Do you con­sider your­self suc­cess­ful a blogger?

I shall assume this is a rhet­or­ical ques­tion and move on.

Gar­g­ron: Self-evaluation is import­ant. That reminds me of that joke about a french­man, a rus­sian, and a jew in a desert. Never mind.

Aizen: Sorry if I’m speak­ing ignor­antly, but why did you make your blog a com­ment mod­er­ated blog? Was it ONLY to ward off neg­at­ive comments?

I accept your apo­logy. In addi­tion to ward­ing off neg­at­ive com­ments, I like know­ing that there’s noth­ing on my site that I haven’t read. Mod­er­at­ing com­ments helps me keep track of new com­ments, espe­cially on older posts.

Gar­g­ron: I sup­port Raptor-kun, only when I see ‘Your com­ment is await­ing mod­er­a­tion’ I can be truly sure it’ll be readen by the author.

Aizen: You recently star­ted an Anime/Life Advice Mail­bag. Why do you think the men on the inter­net aren’t manly enough to ask for help instead of self help?

My site has an elite read­er­ship of model cit­izens who don’t need advice.

Aizen: Some blog­gers are inform­at­ive, some aren’t. What type of blog­ger do you think you are and why?

I con­sider myself a par­agon of inform­at­ive­ness. When I have a point to make, I strive to make it in the most inter­est­ing, read­able man­ner pos­sible. You can load a post with all the inform­a­tion in the world, but if you don’t make it inter­est­ing, your inform­a­tion won’t reach the reader.

Aizen: What are a few things you like and dis­like about blogging?

I find noth­ing more sat­is­fy­ing than com­ing up with a good joke. Blog­ging gives me an oppor­tun­ity jot them down and come up with more.

I dis­like the way I can’t write my posts tele­path­ic­ally. Holy shit, that would rule.

Gar­g­ron: Read Sergey Lukyanenko’s Labyrinth of Reflec­tions trilogy…

Aizen: Which blog/blogger do you hap­pen to suck up to?

His majesty, the hon­or­able Mad­dox.

Gar­g­ron: Are you suc­cess­ful in it?

Com­ing to this point, the atmo­sphere of curi­os­ity in room increases. Now the main questions…

Aizen: How do dino­saurs have sex? Or bet­ter yet, where’s the pussy/dick?

They mater­i­al­ize at will.

Aizen: What do you eat? i.e. are you an herb­i­vore, omni­vore, or carnivore?

I primar­ily feed off abstrac­tions, such as loath­ing and vengeance.

Aizen: What do dino­saurs believe in (faith-wise)? Or are they just as agnostic/atheistic as the mod­ern man?

I’ve heard rumors of a Rap­tor Jesus, but I don’t know the details because I don’t read 4chan.

Gar­g­ron: Thank you for the inter­view! It was very informative.

Tsuki fills the tea cups. As she puts cook­ies on the desk, silence fills the room. The cur­tain drops, you can see hungry gazes towards the cook­ies, and some towards Tsuki.